Finding Carter in the Trees

One of the ways I stay close to Carter is by finding him in the natural world. The animal that brings me the strongest feeling of connection is the pileated woodpecker, also known as Woody Woodpecker with his Ha-ha-ha-ha-HAAA laugh.

I do not know how this connection began. I started seeing these handsome birds and hearing their calls at our old house, which has always felt like a Carter sanctuary to me. When we moved to the White Mountains, they showed up there too, which made me smile. My parents now live in Florida and I often see them there when I visit.

My sightings are not limited to these places. I will be out somewhere new and Woody appears, surprising me and filling my heart. Each sighting feels like Carter saying, “Hello Mom, I am right here”.

During my trip to Yosemite this year, I felt Carter especially close. Yosemite was one of the places I had wanted to see with him. His love of nature and climbing made it feel like the right place to carry him close to me. When I travel, I bring a small wooden container of his ashes. If I find a place that feels perfect for him, I spread a little there.

While on my Yosemite hike to Sentinel Dome, I talked to Carter as I tried to find a beautiful resting place. While I was speaking to him, a woodpecker called out. He flew past with his bright red head and his Ha-ha-ha-ha-HAAA laugh. It felt like Carter was saying you found it! I chose a peaceful spot just off the path with a breathtaking sunset view of the Yosemite mountains. It felt right for him.

When I returned home, I went for one of my regular hikes up the mountain in my neighborhood. I love this route because it leads to a view of Carter Notch and Mt Washington. Every time I reach the top, I say, “I love you Carter” as I take in the view.

On this day, I was talking to him about my Yosemite woodpecker sighting and asked out loud if it had been him visiting me. At that exact moment, Woody Woodpecker called out. I had not heard from him that day until then. I know it could have been a coincidence, yet it felt true to me. I took it as Carter’s sign. Thinking of him arriving as a woodpecker fills me with light and I choose to hold on to that.

I recently returned from visiting my parents in Florida. One of my favorite things to do there is walk around their beautiful condo complex in the mornings and evenings. I saw “Carter” every day of my trip. First I would hear the Ha-ha-ha-ha-HAAA laugh that I like to translate as, “Hi Mom”. Then he would fly in and land near me.

Each time I greeted him with a, “Hello Carter”. I watched him living his best life. He’d soar through the air, laughing his bright laugh, landing on trees and climbing them like an arborist. Carter loved to climb and I always thought he would have loved a job that kept him in the trees. Maybe I am reaching, but these moments help me imagine him as a joyful woodpecker flying around, climbing trees, looking incredibly handsome, and laughing with people all day long. These thoughts keep him present for me.

I am grateful for these experiences. They encourage me to get outside, explore, and stay connected. Thank you Carter, you handsome devil. Your mama loves you, “Ha ha ha ha HAAA”.